What's your favorite Sunday Scary movie?

• PHONE VOICE

Scary night, isn't it? With the upcoming week and all, it's like right out of a horror movie or something.

• YOU

Internal Monologue, you gave yourself away. Are you calling from work? 'Cause Wind Down is on her way over.

• PHONE VOICE

Do you like scary movies?

• YOU

I like that thing you're doing with your voice, Internal Monologue. It's empowering.

• PHONE VOICE

What's your favorite Sunday scary?

• YOU

Oh, come on. You know I don't have that sh*t.

• PHONE VOICE

Why not? Too self-assured?

• YOU

No, no. It's just, what's the point? Every Sunday is the same. Some stupid anxious thought stalking some big-brained nobody who can't cope, who's always scrolling on their phone when she should be turning off her screens and meditating. It's insulting.

• PHONE VOICE

Are you alone in the house?

• YOU

Internal Monologue, that's so unoriginal. I'm disappointed in you.

• PHONE VOICE

Maybe that's because I'm not Internal Monologue.

• YOU

[eyes widen] So, who are you?

• PHONE VOICE

The question isn't "Who am I?". The question is, "What am I?"

• YOU

S-s-so, what are you?

• PHONE VOICE

Your Impostor Syndrome.

• YOU

Why would my Impostor Syndrome be calling on Sunday?

• PHONE VOICE

That's the original part.

• YOU

[checks Calendar; nothing seems to be there] Oh, yeah?  Well, I call your bluff. [opens Calendar app, looks around, sees nothing on Sunday] So why today?

• PHONE VOICE

Look again at your week.

• YOU

[looks at app again, sees nothing] Can you see it right now?

• PHONE VOICE

Uh-huh.

• YOU

Uh-huh, okay. What am I doing tomorrow? Huh? What am I doing on Tuesday? Hello? Nice try, Internal Monologue. Tell Wind Down to hurry up, okay? Bye, now.

• PHONE VOICE

If you hang up on me, you'll fail just like the inadequate, awful attempt for the LinkedIn Headline you have! [Your eyes widen in horror] Do you wanna fail? Your rivals sure think so.

• YOU

F*** you, you cretin!